The things that are hard to explain

Assalamualaikum everyone,

Phew, it's been one hectic week. But let that be a story for another time okay? Yes, I'm still recovering. I have been trying to sneeze all day. And my brain hurts. Yes, my brain. :P

There's so much to tell. But I'm an unorganised person. Those of you who know me, will understand. If you are given the privilege to go on a tour in my brain, then you'd be lost forever. Things are all over the place, without time and date. Without labels and...I have to say, importance.

So I'm gonna start with the first thing I wanted to do since last week - to write this entry.

Has anyone ever asked you to describe yourself? Of course. I bet everyone had been asked that at least once. In my case, lots of times. And every time I hear that question, I'll go blank. Everything I know (or at least I thought I do) about myself will disappear. I'll stutter and stammer. I had to take a moment to think. And there were even times when I don't even know what to say.

And that is odd, because how can you not know who you are? A question so easy shouldn't be so difficult to answer. A two-word question; so simple and so straightforward. So why?

The thing is, for me, though that question seems easy, it's the toughest question I could ever answer. Yes, I don't know who I am. And if I did answer the question, I'm not actually describing myself, but only the person I wish to be.

Have you noticed when people ask you that question, some of the answers would almost always include; "People say...bla, bla, bla..."

'People say...people say...' hum...does that mean they know us better than we know ourselves? Perhaps.

And though I have lived for 25 years and 4 months, I still have no idea who I am. The best answer I could come up with would just be - 'I'm just me.'

And recently, I came across an article written by Kovie Biakolo. His article made me raised my eyebrows. I was fazed at his accuracy of describing why people, (or at least for me) who are used to be by themselves, are the way they are . The title of his article is '17 things to expect when you date a girl who's used to being on her own.' Here's the link.

But I think, it's not just for guys. For me, I think they apply to everyone around me. Why I am how I am regardless of who the person is.

So I hope you'd understand that this is me. And that I can't say otherwise.

I.A.