Stupidity

Sometimes you want to believe that someone's changed. Keep telling yourself a lie and hope it'll be true.You actually believed it. You held on to it for so long. And then something bad happened and it destroyed everything. Then you start to wonder, how much longer can you put on the charade... And how long will it take to get that piece of hope into your heart again this time. Humans are very fascinating. No matter how much you're hurt, you can't seem to have enough. Your smile can be your mask, but your heart is dying little by little. And yet, you're not willing to do anything to save it. Not even wanting to take one sip of breath. Willing to die. And then you start to wonder again, how can you be so stupid? so insane? so confused? When the obvious answer lies right under you nose. I guess maybe that's why you can't see it. But none of it matters, because no matter how many times you're hit in the head, the pain has already become a part of you. Then it will all fall back into the same pattern, again and again. Voilà! it's a one big perfect circle... so, lesson's learned? I don't think so.

This is a one mystery that can never be solved.

A Great Life!

Assalamualaikum beautiful creatures of Allah :)

How is everyone? As for me, all I can say is Alhamdulillah, I am very fine. Allah has blessed me with good health ever since I was a child. No major allergies, no low immune system nor terminal disease. Yes people, if you feel blessed with something, say Alhamdulillah. It'll only take a second. Literally. And you will get a reward too, kill 2 birds with one stone!

Yeah, a little bit off topic. What is the topic anyway? I'm kinda..lost.....

Oh yeah, so I'm going to change into the other persona again; the philosopher! Not Harry Potter's Philosopher's stone alright. I feel like I'm wasting half of my time babbling and whining about my so-called miserable life. I mean, my life isn't miserable. Just 'cause one or two things (in my case it's a lot of things) in my life didn't go as I wanted it to, doesn't mean I get to judge.

A little whining and babbling doesn't hurt, but when it gets a little too much, then you got to ask yourself, "what am I doing wrong?!" We're humans. We're flawed. We make mistakes. Bla bla bla.

I can't say I'm going to stop complaining after this particular entry, but at least I'm reflecting. That's what they call it in counseling. It's when you reflect back on your actions and mistakes. No Missy, you are NOT perfect! You should try it once in a while. :)

You know what's hard in life? Knowing you couldn't be what Allah asks you to be. Not because you couldn't get any boyfriend or girlfriend, or if your parents fight every night or got divorced or whatever. We live to please Allah.

Take my mum for example, she is one of the most strongest person I have ever known in my entire life. She is a living proof of a Wonder Woman. She's been fighting her entire life. And she is still fighting without a man to help her. I can never understand what she's been through, being a single mother that she is.

I feel so bad because I don't feel like I'm doing enough to help her. I want to help her. But she won't say anything to us. And that makes me sad. Not knowing what's in my mother's heart. She is right there, within my reach. And yet I can't do anything to catch her. She's not perfect. She whines, she complains, but those are just words to ease her pain. I can understand at least that.

Ok I'm starting to cry. This is what I hate about being a philosopher. So much emotions.

I never told anyone my story - except to a few people close to me. I don't want to be sympathized. But I want people to learn from it. And grow with it. Maybe someday.

I guess that's why I am scared of saying I have a miserable life. Afraid that if I whine too much, Allah might take it away; my lovely family, my dear friends, and unknown strangers. Because, I see that behind every bad things in our lives, lies that one part that is good and amazing. You just have to look deeper. :)

And last of all, I'm not a strong person. I cry, I've shed tears, I cuddle up like a little baby whenever I feel hurt. I just don't do it in front of other people. I don't want them to see me in my fragile state. So I put on a happy face (most of the time I am truly, genuinely happy) and I want them to take a little strength from that happiness for themselves. Even just a little. :)

If you can't find even a single thing to be grateful for, just be grateful you exist. :)

I.A

Memories

What happened to us? All those years just disappear. I miss the old days when we can just say anything, do anything and be anything we want without all those silly dramas, without any emotional breach and sensitivity, without so much as feeling offended by what each other did or said, without anyone telling us this and that... All we had was each other. We were so strong, so happy and so ridiculous - in a great way. Though the ridiculousness remains, the rests are no where to be seen. And it'd forced me to ask, what happened to us?

P/s: feeling sad all of a sudden. Gosh, I miss everyone :(

Dream Guy

Assalamualaikum everyone~~

Aku da delete about 5 posts. Serabut ah bile tgk. Baik delete jer. Tak suka lah emo2 ni. :)

So, kelmarin aku sibuk la google2 action and horror movies yg best utk ditonton la kan. Then aku terjumpe la cite ni, Midnight Meat Train, cite horror lah kan, tgk tajuk pun. Tgk main actor die Bradley Cooper. Seems legit. Tapi aku tak tgk pun, sakit jiwa baca komen manusia2 kat youtube time aku cari trailer die. Bajet mcm pengarah hebat sgt, cuba ko try buat satu filem, macam terer sgt nak kritik. Adeh~

Ok, dah menyimpang. Aku bukan nk cite pasal movie tuh, tapi pasal mimpi aku mlm tadi. Wahaha, lawak gile...so apehal aku mention movie tuh? Sbb main actor dlm mimpi aku Bradley Cooper lah jugak. Hahaha.. Hangpa jgn nak gelak2 sgt eh. Bukan nye aku nak perasan, dah die nak berlakon dlm mimpi aku nak wat camno. Kikiki~~

Dah nama pun mimpi, mmg bnyk yg tak masuk akal lah. Tapi plot die cenggini. Aku ngan srg girl ni, baru kenal asenye, kluar hangout, and nak pg double date. Aku al kisahnye tak kenal sape date tuh. So kitorang jalan2 satu mall tuh nk cari tmpat tu. Tgh aku jalan2 nmpak pulak kawan aku si Hafiz Kamarulzaman! Apehal nyibuk dlm mimpi aku ni...hah! Buat cameo pulak....cis. Tp takat nmpak jelah, die takde line dlm tuh..haha.

Tgh jalan2 nk pg tmpat makan tuh, aku terus nmpak Bradley Cooper! Adeh, mak aii, hensem kot. Aku dlm hati best gile klu die blind date tuh. haha. Tgk2 mmg die pun! and ade lagi srg guy, aku dapat rasekan die nerd, pakai spek. So basically, 2 guys and 2 girls la. Dah jumpe ktrg duduk la kt tmpat mkn tuh. Aku tak dapat nk pastikan ktrg ckp Melayu ke Omputih..haha. Tapi klaka klu Bradley Cooper ckp Melayu.. ngahaha!

Tgh cakap2 tuh, aku and the girl tu nak pg sembahyang. Alhamdulillah, still igt lagi even dalam mimpi.heh. So ktrg pun pg lah. Time jalan nak pg surau, aku tnye girl tu nama die ape, die ckp Sarah. Ntah sape jadah Sarah, aku tak kenal dlm mimpi, mahupun diluar.haha. Pastu die tnye umur aku, aku tnye la rase2 bape? Die ckp aku umur 20 tahun. Hahahaha....whoever you are Sarah, thanks! Aku dah 24 yer. Dapat muda 4 tahun tuh. Kikiki~~

So, smpai kat surau ktrg pun sembahyang lah. And then....tamat. Hahaha...tak best gile ending cenggitu. Dah la conversation dgn Bradley Cooper langsung aku tak igt!! Sabar aje lah. T_T


Kesian kat nerd tu, dah la tak igt rupe die cmne, nama pun taktau.heh..
Agak2 ade sequel x? Klu ade aku tnye nama die yer. hahahaha.... perasan ya ampun!~

Pada yg tak kenal sape Bradley Cooper, ni ha. This is how he looked like dlm mimpi aku. Sebijik! Hensom tak hensom...weh. Aku siap bole igt lg cmne feelings mse nmpak die tuh. :)

p/s: asenye nmpak awk jugak wahai onnie...time dlm surau.haha. Cameo gak yer. :P

I.A

Supernatural

Gambar sekedar hiasan

Assalamualaikum hamba2 Allah yang dikasihi sekalian! Jawab dulu sbelum baca.

Lame aku tak merepek dlm blog ni yer. Last aku tinggalkan, ade a little bit issue yg arise. Yelah, tgk entries2 aku pun bole teka kan? Takmo la pikir pasal the past, let's focus on what's right here, right now.
For this entry, I got a very supernatural story to tell you guys.

Sebelum pape, aku nk remind, ni bukan nak cite pasal tv show omputih tu yer. Ni cite aku. So peminat2 Supernatural, blah skang. Dgn aku2 sekali la tuh..haha

Cut the story short, malas nak pjg2. Aku tau aku makin malas. Al kisahnye, hari tu, hari ape? hari tu lah, hari ap ntah, aku dah tak igt. Dan dgn sbb aku pemalas maka aku malas nak igt balik. Hari itu, time tgh malam, time aku dah siap2 nak tido dan bole kata lagi sket nak masuk alam mimpi, ttibe blackout! Tanpa apa2 warning pun. Yelah, takkan la ade org nak announce pulak nak blackout kot..adoii...

So, sume org pun cuak lah...abang aku, adik laki aku la, aku steady jer. Dah cari tocelait, pasang lilin, dok balik dalam bilik. Igt nak smbung tido, tp panas. Itu tak kisah lagi, yg aku tak paham, apsal abg ngan adik aku dok dlm blik aku??? Takut much? Hahaha... drg tak abes2 "Wohh, zombie apocalypse!!!" buahaha...

Zombie apocalypse la sgt! Kalau betul2, drg dulu yg lari lintang pukang. Namenye laki drg tuh, tapi penakut ya amat. Aku tak tipu. So ok lah, tgh lepak2 tunggu letrik dtg balik, aku amek hanpon, main snap2 dlm gelap. Ok, part nih, sape yg bace entry ni, for sure akan tampar aku laju2. Tak serik2 lagi ambik gmba dlm gelap. hahaa..

Tapi aku guna phone aku yg megapixel pun tak bape nak gempak, so aku tak kisah la. Tapi pastu abang aku ngan adik aku pun lawan2 snap gmba guna hanpon masing2. Aku nmpak abg aku start snap tuh, aku pun ape lagi "Abg, ko baik tak pyah snap dlm gelap2 nih, hanpon ko tuh...." Aku tak abeskan ayat, die phm sendiri lah. "Ko jahat kan nak takutkan aku." Die balas gitu kat aku. So unmanly!!

Since die punye phone pnah tertangkap sesuatu yg tak sepatotnye, aku warning la awal2. Yelah, hanpon pun MP beso. Mane taknye. Tapi seperti biasa, dlm kejadian lepas pun die tak dgar ckp ibu, apatah lagi yg aku ni kan? Die still snap lagi. Gmba ktrg 3 org. Aku pun pose jelah.

Dah lepas snap tu, abg aku bg aku hanpon die. Tapi tak cakap ape2. Aku tgk jelah. Lama aku pgg, tp aku nmpak ktrg 3 org jelah. Obviously abg aku nmpak 4 org. Hahahaa...

Pastu baru die tunjuk, kat mane 'orang' ke4 tuh..dkt badan die...hahaha...bapak scary doe!!! Tapi aku taktau nape aku gelak gile time tuh. Mostly sbb aku dah warning die tapi still jadi, hahaha....itu yg lawak.
"Aku dah cakap, jgn amek gmba, hanpon ko tu lain skettt...haha" aku dok ketawa kat die.. Adik jantan aku pi mana? Hahaha, naik atas katil aku. Bile mase die naik pun aku tak pasan. Nampak tak penakut die?

Ape yg ade dlm gmba tuh?? Last time dapat tgkap perempuan, this time, lelaki pulak. Macam org tua, yg dah jd mayat...mcam zombie pun ade...siyes. Jgn gelak! Tapi die tak tgk camera this time.

Kali ni, abang aku tak delete gmba tuh. Nasib baik lah. Maybe sbb tak jelas sgt mcm yg 1st time tuh. Gmba die mane? Haha, aku tak bole letak sini, sbb aku tak pakai tudung dan abang aku gerenti duku pale aku kalau die tau. Kenape? Hahahahaha....Aku siyes tau. Bukan cite tipu, even though aku banyak "hahaha" kat sini. Ngeh.

Ah, shoot! terpanjang pulak citer nih. Haha..

I.A

Daddy's Day

Salam. 

Just want to share with you guys a poem written by Cheryl Costello-Forshey entitled Daddy's Day. Never thought I could cry just by reading a poem...this is beautiful & heartbreaking.

Her hair was up in a ponytail
Her favourite dress tied with a bow
Today was Daddy's Day at school
And she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school,
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees,
A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet
Children squirming impatently,
Anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called,
Each student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
For a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one"
Another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offened her,
As she smiled up at her mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.
"My daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing here alone.
Cause my daddy's always with me
Even though we are apart.
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart."
With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much,
He's my shining star.
And if he could he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.
You see he was a fireman
And died just this past year.
When airplanes hit the towers
And taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
It's like he never went away."
And then she closes her eyes,
And saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they say before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy."
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining bright star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far

Did you cry?

I.A

A Knock of Truth

Assalamualaikum.

This was written by my uncle on our family's FB page. I felt sad and start to ponder upon the truth in his words. So then I felt an impelling desire to share it here. I hope we can all benefit from it.

Persoalan: adakah kebaikan boleh berjalan seiring dengan kebathilan, tidak kira lah berapa nisbahnya, samada 80:20 atau 99:1. Jawapannya tidak boleh, tapi sempurnakah kita? Yang pasti kita tidak maksum & tidak sunyi dr melakukan kesilapan samada disengajakan atau di luar pengetahuan. Lalu sebagai seorg muslim, teguran di atas apa shj kesilapan adalah suatu rahmat Allah drp ianya berterusan tanpa teguran & nasihat. Adakah bila kita sentiasa berbuat baik, lalu bila kita melakukan kesilapan kita tidak layak diberi teguran. Sedangkan Rasulullah saw junjungan besar sendiri pernah ditegur Allah swt. Angka 20 sebenarnya terlalu besar, sepatutnya walaupun sebesar zarah kesilapan kita, teguran yg diberi tiada nilaian yg dapat diberi. 

Cuba terus bertahan, tp kalau terus-terusan mengguris hati & perasaan insan lain, yg seolah-olah org lain tiada hati & perasaan, maka cukuplah setakat ini. Kalau berpanjangan dipaparkan ketidakpuasan hati di khalayak, kalau merasakan insan-insan yg paling menyayangi tidak diperlukan malah seolah-olah tiada nilaiannya lagi maka cukuplah sampai di titik ini...tiada lagi lah suara teguran dari insan ini.....

Ada kebenaran dalam kata2 ni. Terasa malu sebentar dengan diri sendiri. Kadang2 aku pun begitu jugak. Mengutuk, mengata orang yg aku kenal ataupun tidak ke public utk tontonan orang lain. Tanpa mengambil kira perasaan mereka atau merendah2 kan mereka seolah2 mereka tidak pernah melakukan kebaikan kepada aku. Tak kira lah sama ada mereka tahu ataupun tidak. Sebagai manusia aku tak patut buat macam tu. Akan berusaha untuk jadi lebih baik. Moga Allah ada disisi. Amin.

I.A