Stupidity

Sometimes you want to believe that someone's changed. Keep telling yourself a lie and hope it'll be true.You actually believed it. You held on to it for so long. And then something bad happened and it destroyed everything. Then you start to wonder, how much longer can you put on the charade... And how long will it take to get that piece of hope into your heart again this time. Humans are very fascinating. No matter how much you're hurt, you can't seem to have enough. Your smile can be your mask, but your heart is dying little by little. And yet, you're not willing to do anything to save it. Not even wanting to take one sip of breath. Willing to die. And then you start to wonder again, how can you be so stupid? so insane? so confused? When the obvious answer lies right under you nose. I guess maybe that's why you can't see it. But none of it matters, because no matter how many times you're hit in the head, the pain has already become a part of you. Then it will all fall back into the same pattern, again and again. Voilà! it's a one big perfect circle... so, lesson's learned? I don't think so.

This is a one mystery that can never be solved.

A Great Life!

Assalamualaikum beautiful creatures of Allah :)

How is everyone? As for me, all I can say is Alhamdulillah, I am very fine. Allah has blessed me with good health ever since I was a child. No major allergies, no low immune system nor terminal disease. Yes people, if you feel blessed with something, say Alhamdulillah. It'll only take a second. Literally. And you will get a reward too, kill 2 birds with one stone!

Yeah, a little bit off topic. What is the topic anyway? I'm kinda..lost.....

Oh yeah, so I'm going to change into the other persona again; the philosopher! Not Harry Potter's Philosopher's stone alright. I feel like I'm wasting half of my time babbling and whining about my so-called miserable life. I mean, my life isn't miserable. Just 'cause one or two things (in my case it's a lot of things) in my life didn't go as I wanted it to, doesn't mean I get to judge.

A little whining and babbling doesn't hurt, but when it gets a little too much, then you got to ask yourself, "what am I doing wrong?!" We're humans. We're flawed. We make mistakes. Bla bla bla.

I can't say I'm going to stop complaining after this particular entry, but at least I'm reflecting. That's what they call it in counseling. It's when you reflect back on your actions and mistakes. No Missy, you are NOT perfect! You should try it once in a while. :)

You know what's hard in life? Knowing you couldn't be what Allah asks you to be. Not because you couldn't get any boyfriend or girlfriend, or if your parents fight every night or got divorced or whatever. We live to please Allah.

Take my mum for example, she is one of the most strongest person I have ever known in my entire life. She is a living proof of a Wonder Woman. She's been fighting her entire life. And she is still fighting without a man to help her. I can never understand what she's been through, being a single mother that she is.

I feel so bad because I don't feel like I'm doing enough to help her. I want to help her. But she won't say anything to us. And that makes me sad. Not knowing what's in my mother's heart. She is right there, within my reach. And yet I can't do anything to catch her. She's not perfect. She whines, she complains, but those are just words to ease her pain. I can understand at least that.

Ok I'm starting to cry. This is what I hate about being a philosopher. So much emotions.

I never told anyone my story - except to a few people close to me. I don't want to be sympathized. But I want people to learn from it. And grow with it. Maybe someday.

I guess that's why I am scared of saying I have a miserable life. Afraid that if I whine too much, Allah might take it away; my lovely family, my dear friends, and unknown strangers. Because, I see that behind every bad things in our lives, lies that one part that is good and amazing. You just have to look deeper. :)

And last of all, I'm not a strong person. I cry, I've shed tears, I cuddle up like a little baby whenever I feel hurt. I just don't do it in front of other people. I don't want them to see me in my fragile state. So I put on a happy face (most of the time I am truly, genuinely happy) and I want them to take a little strength from that happiness for themselves. Even just a little. :)

If you can't find even a single thing to be grateful for, just be grateful you exist. :)

I.A

Memories

What happened to us? All those years just disappear. I miss the old days when we can just say anything, do anything and be anything we want without all those silly dramas, without any emotional breach and sensitivity, without so much as feeling offended by what each other did or said, without anyone telling us this and that... All we had was each other. We were so strong, so happy and so ridiculous - in a great way. Though the ridiculousness remains, the rests are no where to be seen. And it'd forced me to ask, what happened to us?

P/s: feeling sad all of a sudden. Gosh, I miss everyone :(