The one that's missing

Salam.

Kadang2 aku perasan aku sgt suka observe orang. Cara org bawak diri, cara bercakap, cara pandang, cara senyum, riak muka, or kalau org tu happy-go-lucky or grumpy. Seronok actually. Aku pun suka tgk family ramai2 together happy2. Ade mak, ayah, abang, kakak, adik; cukup sumer. Sebab bile aku tgk, aku teringat balik time family ktrg same2, way back. Rindu rase nak gelak2 and play around dgn abah. Even though he's still around but, well, the fact that ktrg no longer duduk same2 kind of makes it hard. Heheh..

Believe it or not, as strict as he was, there was also a soft spot inside. Walaupun byk sad stuff yg aku igt, well more like terpaksa igt sbb memory tu tetap ade kat kepala otak ni. Tapi, aku try jgak igt bende2 yang happy. It makes me happy.

Aku tau mcm mne rase hilang sume tu. That's why bile aku tgk org lain dgn ayah drg, terubat gak lah rindu aku. Mostly aku suka tgk kawan aku dgn ayah die. So sweet jer, jumpe je, hug each other, ketawa sama2, usik2 each other, macam kawan2. Of course, aku sgt jealous. Okay, teramat jealous. That's why kalau aku nmpak drg with each other, aku xleh tgk lelame, kne alihkan pandangan, sbb aku takut ternangis pulakkk, haha...ntah pape ntah.

Of couse la aku pun try dekat dgn abah jugak. Try and fix things between us all. Tapi tu lah...bila da besar panjang ni, everything changes.

The other day, mase pg cari barang dinner, kawan2 guys aku ttibe buat lawak nak pggil mak aku ibu..haha. beselah perangai mcm budak. Ttibe Kay masuk bab ayah pulak, nak pggil ape. Aku pun dah rase awkward, macam mne nak jawab ni. Aku diam jelah. And aku tak perasan rupenye kawan aku Atie suruh die senyap. Aku pun pelik Kay ttibe senyap knape. But aku biar je lah. Balik tu die bgtahu, aku tnye nape die soh Kay senyap. Die kt takut aku sedih... Erm, thanks a lot Onnie... You always had my back when I needed you. You didn't have to do that, but you did. You made me want to cry...hehe...

I still remember, the first time I told you about my family, you cried so bad. I didn't expect you to. Terkejut sy time tu...hehe. I never really thank you for understanding me. So thank you Onnie.

Tapi, kalau nak banding kan hidup aku ni, orang lain ade lagi susah. I'm glad God gave me this kind of life. Mane tahu, mungkin kalau hidup aku lain, aku jadi budak nakal ke, or terlebih social ke kan? Sume ade hikmah nye. Lagipun kt kne lah susah2 dulu senang2 kemudian..right?

I.A