Pebenda?

Assalamualaikum,

It's weird. Kalau sebelum ni, aku ada je benda nak ditulis dlm blog aku ni. Almost everyday akan ada entry. Tapi sekarang, berbulan2 diam pun still tak tahu apa nak tulis. Adakah aku sudah bosan? No, not bosan, sebab aku masih suka menulis. Mungkin hidup aku dah tak seceria dulu kot. Kalau dulu aku jenis yang lalalala...lantakla apa pun, apa jadi, keep on going. Senyum, gelak, ketawa, serabai ke sememeh ke, peduli apa. Teruskan dengan hidup. Tulis apa nak ditulis. Sekian.

Tapi sekarang, banyak sgt rules. Too much thinking. Too much guidelines. Always trying to be on the safe side. But mostly, aku rasa mungkin dah takda apa yang aku masih belum tulis lagi kat sini. Semua dah dibincangkan dan dihuraikan. Lol. Dan aku kehilangan idea sekarang. So sad.

Oh yeah, aku dapat berita Backstreet Boys, N'sync and other 80s group (tak semua ada la tapi -_-) akan bergabung dan meletop dalam satu movie Syfy pasal zombie this upcoming April Fool! Cool. Lantaklah org kata Syfy ni suka buat cite bodoh dan cliche, peduli apa haku. At least lagi bagus dr drama or filem meleis perfect 10 or Isteri utk dijual tu. watdehel.

Nick Carter FTW!! Sekian. I.A

Pebenda aku nak cerita ni?? -_-"

Nice work

Salam readers.

It's been a year since I've written anything!! Okay, that was a new year joke. Kind of annoying is it? Especially the bathroom joke. Like why don't you go die. Lol. Anyhoo, nothing important or huge happened to me for the past few months I've been gone. Just little things not worth mentioning.

I've started writing again. Fiction of course. In fact, I'm working on something right now. It's still in progress though. The most frustrating thing is that, every time I started working on a piece, I'd lose all the ideas as fast as I got them. Instant writer's block. Then nothing ever gets done. I have like lots of unfinished stories in my disposal. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a writer. Lol.

But hey, If I hated it, I would've given it up a long time ago. Nope. Still gonna keep going (pasal cerita Gelap tu an...an...an... aku nak smbung, tp malas bertingkat-tingkat. Kihkih. Maap le yeop).

Okey so... It's actually past my bedtime, and I can't sleep. And I'm running out of things to write. See, instant writer's block. Ah, damit.

I.A

Nice work, genius. -_-"

I'm letting you go

I want to be the happy girl I was before. Away from all those negativity. Being in love while being hurt is just not an option. Eventually you would have to choose what's best for you. What I chose for myself is not only for myself. It's for those I care about too.

I was happy with you sometimes, but then something went wrong. It was beautiful while it lasted. I think it was nothing more than just a puppy love. It's not really love. I was naive. I was wrong. We both were. And forgetting it the best way to go. Maybe things could've been different if our ego weren't so high up in the sky. Maybe we could've fixed it. Maybe we could go back to the way it was. True, so much maybe and possibility, but we can never know the future. And I don't want to wait and see. Because in waiting, there could be more disappointments.

No more regrets. We should go on living. So much more to find in life. This is not the end. It's a beginning. Kind of like the universe's dare for us to do better in the future. So let's make the best of it.
I won't let you in again. I can't. You are my past. A part of my memories. As I am, yours. And I want us to stay that way. I'm letting you go now.

With love,
I.A.

Family trip

Salam,

Hey guys, been a long time. Nothing much happened. Just a few things. Last weekend my family and I went to Melaka for my mom's company family day. It was a lot of fun. Playing games, laughing, joking and what not. :)

Masa ktrg sampai on Sunday morning tu, not much aktiviti. Just duduk kat chalet. Then everyone wanted to go swimming. Aku tak nak pergi sebab time tuh mmg ngantuk gila, belum tido. Lalu ku bantai tido smpai petang. haha. Buzz kill. Masa bangun tu, ramai gila orang kat dalam chalet tgh makan; colleagues my mom. Dan aku pun, mamai2 tu, basuh muka then makan jugak. Lapaq deh.

Then malam tu, kitorang pergi makan tepi laut, dan ada open karaoke! Best gile. Ramai lah yang menyanyi sakan. Aku mcm teringin jugak nak nyanyi, haha. Adik aku ngan cousin aku sorang pg duet lagu Wrecking Ball. Aku yang tgk pon nebes gilo. ahaha..

Then aku tak puas hati jugak, mana bleh dah susah2 klua pg sana tapi tak have fun, aku pon suruh cousin kecik aku pg mintak lagu Mojo - Romancinta. hahaha. Bapak lagu susah! Dah lah suara mcm hamoeh, pg plak mintak lagu tinggi cmtuh. Time dah smpai turn, aku rasa macam nak lari, tak nak nyanyi. Nerbes punya pasal. Hahaha. Tapi aku kata, take a chance. Boleh kata nyanyi dpn org ramai tu satu benda dlm 'bucket list' jugak lah. haha.

So pergilah aku ngan kakak ipar duet lagu tu. Mula2 nyanyi aku macam gila menggeletar suara. haha. Dalam hati tak rasa nerbes sgt pon, tapi tak tahulah apsal suara macam tu. hahah. Tapi ktrg dua berjaya bawak lagu tu. Part tarik tinggi tu, audience jerit2 cheering utk kitorang. Bloody embarrassing!

Dah habis lagu, aku terus letak mic. Ampun tak nak dah haha. Audience ramai2 jerit, 'lagi sekali!' Gila kau, aku dah malu. hahaha. But glad everyone loved it. XD

Yang paling best sebenarnya is that, everytime semua orang nyanyi, our family yang akan bersorak, cheering and all. Memang kitorang lah yang paling sporting. Dan ktrg yang ramai menyanyi. haha. Mesti org boleh teka kami nih selalu pg karok. Kihkih.

So then malam tu pon ended. Esoknya, pagi2 ada aerobik katanya. Aku mmg plan nak pg malam tu, tapi bila bangun pukul 6 lbh, otak blur gile. Ngantuk tak hingat. Almost tak nak pergi, tapi ntah cmna aku nak pergi jugak. Gila takda conviction kau nih, haha. So pergilah. Dan breakfast. Pastu terus ada telematch. Ktrg berjaya jugak lah menang hadiah.

Then makan tgahari, then tamatlah family day tuh. Overall mmg fun, stress reliever. Pastu amek gmba ramai2. Hahaha, and of course, dalam gambar tu family aku yang paling gedik. yang lain biasa2 je. Gambar tu takleh nak letak sini sebab blom dapat dikeluarkan dari DSLR. Mehh... -_-"

Lepas tu, we're off going home... it was a blast. Definitely had a great time there with everyone. And we've decided to go to the same place for our very own family day this coming November. Yay!! Check out the picture I took below.

I.A

The unsaid things.

Assalamualaikum,

Blerh, lama tak berwarkah kat blog ni. Aku nak kata yang aku tak ada masa nak tulis apa-apa. Tapi itu cuma nak buat alasan je. Sebab aku aceli banyak masa. Tapi aku ni jenis yang suka fikir nak buat itu dan ini, last2 satu apa pun aku tak buat. Yep, that's me.

Anyhoo, aku bukan nak tulis entry pasal betapa malasnya aku. That, we already established a long time ago, huhu. Aku cuma nak membebel je. Macam yang aku suka buat lah once upon a time, bercakap dan menulis benda2 yang takda siapa pun nak tahu kat blog ni.

Aku baru lalui satu benda yang agak besar jugak. It's a sad thing of course. Sesuatu yang aku plan baik2 dan sungguh-sungguh, tapi akhirnya tak jadi. Betullah orang kata, kita boleh rancang, tapi Allah yang tentukan. Tapi aku bukanlah nak merungut atau nak meluahkan perasaan tak puas hati. Semua tu aku dah terima. Biasalah, apa-apa pun yg jadi, aku salu fikir yang mesti ada hikmahnya. Mana tahu, mungkin sebab Dia nak bg peluang untuk aku betulkan diri sendiri dulu yang sangat banyak flaws ni. Atau mungkin Dia ada sesuatu yang lebih baik untuk aku ke kan.

The thing is, aku takdalah sedih mana pon. Walaupun kadang2 tu bila orang tanya, aku pun serba-salah dan tak tahu nak jawab apa. Ada sekali tu pun aku nyaris nak menangis depan orang ramai sebab orang tu dok perli aku. Damn, rasa marah gile time tuh, like aku tengah sedih, ko bleh plak perli. Tapi aku faham lepas tu, cara manusia nak pujuk tu lain. Walaupun kadang2 mmg caranya buat kita rasa nak hempuk org tuh. haha

Tapi itulah kan, orang kata kita mungkin rasa macam dah terima, dan redha, tapi bila benda tu orang dok sebut2 kat depan muka kita, of course la kita akan sedih jugak.

Relaks lah. Benda2 yang sedih tu, tak perlu nak fikir bnyk2 kali then okay, lepas tu back to being sad, then on and on and on. Come on...be sad sekali, then move on. Jangan pandang belakang lagi dengan decisions yang kita dah buat. Terima. Embrace it. Pada aku, orang boleh kata apa-apa pun. But, this is about me. My future, not someone else's. So kenapa nak kisah apa orang kata? (unless apa yang drg kata tu mmg nasihat).

Dan bukannya aku tak bagi second chance. Aku pun kadang2 nak jgak peluang kedua untuk baiki diri. Tapi kalau dah beribu2 chance kau bagi, then that's a no no. Itu bukan loyal lagi, itu namanya BODOH. Dan aku dah lama sgt jadi bodoh ni faham tak? Tak faham? Bacalah entry aku dalam bulan 6, 7 dan 8 ni. Most of it sedih2 an? Aku baru perasan hari tu bila tengok balik. Ni dah apa hal blog aku ni dah macam blog untuk kematian? Damn!

Bodohnya aku rasa 2, 3 bulan ni. Benda2 yang aku tolerate tulah benda yang aku penah janji pada diri takkan terima. Tapi aku terima jgk smpai yang sakit diri sendiri. Nampak tak makna kebodohan tu apa? Itulah dia. Dah byak kali sakit, still nak bertahan, lepas tu merengek kat dalam blog. Watdehel. Bear with me guys.

Aku tak simpan dendam. Walaupun smpai tahap dah kena hina dan maki. Aku pun tak tahulah apsal. Aku ni dah di wired smpai macam tu. Oh, aku ada theory, nanti aku citer next entry sebab dah panjang sgt entry yg nih. haha. Oh well, aku bukan marah skang ni, tapi more like disappointed. Dengan siapa? Diri sendirilah, siapa lagi.

Hoh, aku ada sejarah dengan Zooey Deschanel ni. Takpa, aku still suka dia. ngeee~~ I.A.

Things you never thought of but actually realises

Saw a dialogue from a tv show that says “feelings is a scary thing. What you’re feeling, will change the way you see a person.” 

It's true though. We can love someone so dearly and we could never imagine ourselves hating them in a million years. Yet, when they betray us, hurt us, disappoint us - for so many times, all the love will only lessen if not disappears. And you can hate a person so much that you feel like you can drown in it, but the minute they capture you heart with something beautiful, you break all the rules you've built for yourself and fall in love. 

So I thought to myself: yeah, i never thought about that but I think I’ve always known. That’s why I chose to make people think nice of me. Because no matter how long (or close) you know someone, the principle still applies.

I.A. 

The answer we dreamt to never hear

‘And just like that, he said - Yes.’

But it’s not a good answer to a good question. In fact it’s the opposite. Yes and No has two different meaning. Sometimes even Yes can mean something bad and ugly. Sometimes No can mean something good and beautiful. 

But the one I got is ugly. 

I.A